This is Lenman

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Inner Thoughts

The Neighbours are having a party.
Why not invite me?
Is it because I shed hair?
Is it because I only eat stinky catfood?
Could they not have put out a tray of crunchies?
I'm a cool guy.
I would have performed my main tricks for them, namely, The Welcome Home Sprawl, My Licking My Balls Yoga-move.
Whatever. Their Loss.

mmmmmmmmm soo nice and snug in here. Alone.
I hate on the weekends when everyone's home and they feel the need to pick me up and tell me how cute I am every two seconds.
Cant a guy get minute of alone time to clear his head???

Apparently Not.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


This is my new hat that I am forced to wear around.

WTF??? Is it a tea-cosy? Do they think i'm Jamaican?? I just dont get it.
Unless they were going to give me a jamaican hat with the fake dreadlocks I don't see why I should have to wear this piece of crap.

Maybe if I poop in it they will throw it out? that works for most things I dont like playing with.


I'll admit it - sometimes I get into 'sticky situations' - mainly revolving around my love-affair with escaping.

The first time I tried to escape I fell 3 stories to the ground and noone even knew I was missing!!!!! (well for 10 mins) It was so scary and dark that I just hid where I had fallen. I honestly didnt mean to fall 3 stories, but I was out on the ledge and kinda didnt realise that it was tiny. So that pretty much sucked ass. Specially seen as how after I was found, I had to have a bath (stinks) and was forevermore banned from walking on any of the window ledges around the house... I am sooo cooped up.

The second time I escaped was really crappy - the parents had the front door open whinging about taking the recyling downstairs, so whilst they were preocupied I ran as fast as I could, and they gave chase. What noone told me, was that the parents didnt have keys, and the door slammed shut, and we were all locked outside, in the cold, with no shoes on. I was in sooooooo much trouble.

They love me though. How could you not?

Best Game Evah = Princess

My favourite game to play is what I call "Princess"

"oooh look at me! i've been trapped by the evil witch! won't a handsome Prince save me!!!!!!!"

I can play Princess for hours. It fun to sit and stare through the gaps pretending that my Prince Charming will come and rescue me.

So what if i'm a dude? Prince Charming would take me away from my idiot parentals and take me somewhere where the ground is covered in chicken skin, and my litter would be made from rough-cut-diamonds.

mmmmmmm so safe and secure in my Princess Prison

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Noone Listens

Everytime the "idiots" go shopping, I tell them what they should be buying. Suffice to say - they don't listen.

What good is a Taco Kit to me?? I cant hold a frekkin Taco shell.
Muesli - frekkin tree huggin hippies. GAY! never buy that shit again
Other Hippy Food - trust me, we share a bathroom, you don't need any additional 'folate' in your diet.
Heinz Soup - the fact that you own Heinz soup just proves to me how sad you are.. sitting at home with me alone on friday night drinkin your soup for one. Get a life.

In the future, I want to see cans of Tuna, Salmon, Chicken Carcus, and more tins of Fancy Feast than meets the eye.

None of this pasta rubbish.
Are we Clear?

Monday, October 23, 2006


It was supposed to rain today - and even though i never go "OUT" I still like to be prepared, you never know, I could get splashback from my primo position on the ledge.

Mum said that I look like I should posing in some Van Gogh Art in this pose - me - fruitbowl - plastic weirdness. I am above modelling, too much standing and staring.

The good thing about dressing up in the plastic bag, was that i was allowed to loiter around the groceries as they were being unpacked.

This I like, This I dont like

I like the following:

Having my nails clipped

Its so relaxing and really reaffirms my manliness. Plus it's fun to then sharpen my claws on the holy "couch".. I am always getting in trouble for that, but hey! don't cut my frekkin nails, and nothing will get scratched up. Idiots.

I like bags:

In particular - bags from expensive stores, David Jones bags, Peter Alexander Bags... whatever.. just give me a bag and I will entertain myself for a good 4 hours.

I do NOT like:

Being forced to dance like a human.

Hindquarter dancing feels wrong.... so wrong.. I don't look as cool as I normally would.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Let's Get Physical

I love Olivia Newton-John.. she is the best. I can listen to her all day (when noone is home).

Last night I stayed up late doing aerobics and watching GREASE (best movie E.V.A.H), its times like this I could wear stilletto's and crush cigarettes out with my toe.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Crew

From what I can tell - there are 2 other cats who live in my building, they ofcourse get the pleasure of being "outside"... I have only been "outside" 2 times, and both were highly traumatising and resulted in me pooping myself and being forced to have a bath...(will go into detail some other time)

For now, I will tell you about the two cats who taunt me everyday with thier "outsideness".

1. WHITEY - from what I can tell, Whitey definitely had Cat-AIDS. He is so skanky its just not funny, He should probably get picked up by the RSPCA or something, because he sleeps on the stairs or in the garbage. I sooo don't want him coming anywhere near me and my lovesac. Whitey is gross. But I sorta feel sorry for him because he is all the time locked outside especially when its cold, and there is no way the parents would let someone who is all scabby and gross sleep in their bed, like I do.

2. ZACH - I met Zach once, and I knew straight away that he was a rapist.. I reckon he probably raped Whitey and gave him AIDS. Zach doenst even live in our building yet he struts around like he owns the place. He sux so much. He eats Whiteys food and bullies him into sleeping near the Recyling Bins so he can have the prime position on the stairs.. I hate him so much.

So I am sorta glad that I am locked up Rapunzel style in the apartment, I really don't want to have to deal with those guys on a daily basis. At least my foodbowl is clean and I dont have to share it with anyone. Sharing is Gay.

Oh and there are some birds outside as well.. But I def hate them. All birds should die. Now.


Is it just me or do I look insanely hot in this photo??? I think i might send this to Hugh Hefner, he could do with a bit of pizazz in Playboy, rabbits are soooo out.. I also like how my eyes are amazingly amber, God I am even turning myself on right now...


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Mood: Lethargic

Meh... So tie tie.... the fricken Magpies were up sooooooooooo early this morning, can they eff off and SQUARK elsewhere?

I've been feeling really flat lately, its been raining and I lost my favourite mouse behind the TV, plus the parents keep shoving me off their heads and try to make me sleep at the bottom of the bed near their feet. AS IF! What am I ?? Guttertrash?? I am so underappreciated.

It's times like this I wish I had thumbs and could turn the TV on, I know Animal Planet is on Foxtel, it would get me through the long dreary days.

Suppose I should get up and eat.. or not... whatever.

Like I care.

I wants to get highhhhhhh

Come on Man!! Mull it Up!! Mull it Up!, I wants to get Highhhhhh, So Highhhhhhh... I'm hanging man! Come On!

Heh Heh.... Dude, you like, realise that you walk on both legs right?? Dude that is awesome.. Heh... got any whiskers on ya?

Check Me Out! i'm in yer shoes!!!! I rock so hard when i'm stoned..... I need a snack.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Me and my Fro Fro Bro

This is me and my 'brother from another mother' - Mr Pelican. Hug it out!! Sometimes I feel like he is the only one who understands me. He lets me wail on him, or make love to him in the hallway. We don't have to be ashamed of our love.


I hate it when the parents come home after a night on the pingers - they keep me up allllll night with their pinging activities - which I have to partake in.

This is such a bad angle, as I was clearly off my head and peaking badly right now.. all I can remember, is that they came home, put the glowstick on my neck, and the rest is a blur.

This is where i started crashing a little, I was in a kinda K-Hole at this time, feeling reaallly seedy n shit. I wanted to put on some Snoop and G-Bang it out in the loungeroom, but the pingerheads wanted to play scrabble... They are soo lame.

If my memory serves me correct - it was goin OFF on top of the cupboards, its really the best place to feel your groove, its all private and you feel all superior looking down on everybody from up there.

Finally I crashed out, had a massive comedown and did an eccy-poo that got me banned from the bedroom for two days!! The best part of the night was the love-fest where everyone sat around stroking me and I purred so much I think i broke my voicebox.



so sprawly...

Its hard to tell what is more comfortable; having my arms free floating, or having a pair of knees in my back.

I should really get up and do something - like licking myself. Or maybe i'll just sprawl here awhile longer.


Monday, October 16, 2006

What do to.....

Sooooo many hours to fill.... many people would think that a housecat has a simple "easy" life, yah! right!.. its all running up and down the hall and lickin to you people, I have goals too you know.

For instance, tomorrow, I will partake in the following:

7am: wake up the parentals, stand on their heads till they wake up and feed me.
7.30am: partake in family bathroom time, ie -toothbrushing, showering, and me doing a large smelly poo.
8am: stage a 'protest' at the door
9 - 12pm: play in new toys, stare out the window, check food-bowl, attack the couch in a matter of ninja power
12 - 5pm: naptime
5 - 6pm: nap at the door till parents come home, sniff shoes when need inspiration
6.45: do 'welcome home' stretching routine at the door, and get more food
7 - 8pm: run around entertaining the parents, ie; scratch up the couch, hide under the bed, jump on the blinds, hide in cupboards, do more smelly poos.
8 - 10pm: downtime on the sac (time for me to lick and reflect on the days work)
11pm - 6am: chase imaginery things up the hall, do laps around the house, work out the days calories and excess energy, jump up and down on the bed a thousand times till i get the primo spot. Snuggle under the covers like a human, and look cute.

REPEAT everyday

its tiresome i tell ya.

Shit on my Fur is no Biggie

pfft assholes. If they shit on the floor, i'm sure its ok, if IIIIIII shit on the floor, its like a fricken anthrax outbreak.. "oooh clean the shit off the carpet"... "oooh clean the shit off lenny" ... you'd think their shit doesn't stink the way they carry on.

Do they not realise the space I have to work with is really tiny?? and that after all the digging and burying (which can be rather hypnotic) you sometimes forget what the hell you're doing and you stand in your own shit.!! I can deal with just licking it off, can't they just deal with it on the carpet for a second.

whatevr... I bet they don't let me into the bed tonight either. Gaybo's.
Next time i'll purposely shit on the powercords again.. that'll teach em.


pfffft the parents put me in this humiliating ensemble.

I wouldnt mind it so much, but it has fricken ballerinas all over it. gaaaaaaahhd.

If i wasnt born gay, these guys will surely turn me eventually.


Monday, October 16, 2006

Aghhh Monday

finally the parentals fucked off and went to work, i dont see why they feel the need to keep me captive, its not like there is anything outside that I am truly that intersted in.

Yesterday mum changed the blanky on the lovesac, it was pretty effing comfortable, and I didnt move for about 6 hours.

Yawwwwwwwwwwn, this morning I almost escaped.

zzzzzzzzzzzz 10 hours zoomed by.

WooooooooooT! just watching Idol whilst I chase the mousies up and down the hall. Bobby was voted off, he is almost as weird lookin as that rabid hamster that tried to crack onto me in the vet.

Boo You Bobby.

Lenman xx