This is Lenman

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Taco Man

Taco Taco Man. I wanna be, a Taco Man.

num num. You'd think that I wouldn't like the spices of Taco Seasoning. You would be wrong. Some people say i'm overstepping the boundaries of acceptable cat behaviour at dinnertime.

Where would you rather I eat? the floor!! Sif.

Only Grubby Cats eat off the floor.

Do I look like a Grubby Cat to you?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


I have to say, I honestly got the best presents in the house this christmas. That wouldn't be hard considering that the parents threw out every present they received from "the stingy family cunts"....

I got a rug, that is like a fine weave of champagne between my toes.

How I love it so.

So far I have spent about 18 hours on the rug, flipping around and stretching. So comforting. It's during one of my flipping, stretching sessions that I laugh at the parents because they received such shit gifts. That will teach them to buy nice things for people. I always say - the best gift comes from the arse, and that is why I leave a little present for someone when they first wake up in the morning, in my kitty litter.

Anyway, back to the Rug. Love. It.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Dignity Lost


Well Well, What have we here? An Evil Man in a red suit, squeezing the life out of me. This is really the last straw. These people are freaks.

Plus you could totally tell that this man was not Santa, nice hackneyed beard old man.

When I said I wanted to get into modelling - this is not what I had in mind.

Sitting on an old geezers lap whilst some losery canines sniff around does not spell 'glamorous' to me.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

My Modelling Career

ahhhhhhh modelling. the camera loves me! Sometimes i'm just doing my thing in the hall, and the papparazzi chase me and take a million photos, it allows me to empathise with stars like Paris Hilton, and Nicole Ritchie.

Today I started the lastest trend in kitty fashion. It's called BAG.

We did some test shoots and we're going to send the proofs to Vogue magazine. Most likely European Vogue, because I dont think the Australian market is ready for it just yet.

BAG - rrp: $679.00

Monday, December 11, 2006

I dont wanna

One of the Idiots went away and left me alone with her for 7 days.

What a freak of nature. At first I didn't mind, and thought it could be fun because I can make her feed me as many times as I want, and sprawl all over the bed, and I thought I would be playing chase mousies for days on end, because that other idiot, isnt here to distract her.

Whilst I did get fed more times than usual, I have to say I wasn't so impressed with my dinner yesterday - leftover kebab meat eaten off a plate left on the ground! inmates in Woomera detention centre get better treatment than this!!

Plus she annoyed me constantly - needy wench.. "look at my new boots!" "look at my new pyjamas" "come watch foxtel with me".. give a guy a break woman! I can see why the man of the house went away for a few days.

I hid most of last night and today on top of the wardrobe, and sooked, because she has not once thrown mousies down the hall! Plus she keeps over-sprawling herself and pushing me off the bed. Selfish Much.

The highlight of our time together was the excessive amount of showers she had, so I got to lick the bath for about 4 hours straight each day. That's some good lickin'

I think she is up to something too, she came home from outside, going on and on about some fat guy in a suit taking photos with pets at the vet. I am filled with a sense of un-ease. and will scratch the eyes out of anyone who makes me go near a fat man in a red suit.

time will tell.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Spite Poo

Spite Poo - (verb)
The spite poo being when you are locked in the spare room - or what is colloquially referred to as 'the naughty room' and you do a poo on the carpet, out of spite.

ahhhhhh nothing beats doing a Spite Poo first thing in the morning. Do they really think they can lock ME in the spare room without me doing something in retalliation??

Next time they will think twice before kicking me out of the bedroom because i'm walking on their heads at 5am.. 5am is 'get up and feed me' time! don't they know this! Idiots.

The best part of the Spite Poo, is the realisation look on their faces, when they walk into their precious room to get ready for work and then before they can even wipe the crust from their eyes, they see my little present waiting for them on the carpet.


They are just lucky I hadn't eaten lots the night before otherwise I would have spelled out "Next Time I'm going to Shit on your Head !"

HA. It's not like I had to clean it up.
Go Me!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

The Circle Of Life

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Zebenyaaaaaaaa Comewichemahwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

From the day we arrive in the apartment, And have our first nap in the sun.
There's more to lick, than can ever be licked.

More to destroy, than can ever be destroyed.

There's far to much to eat in one go,
too many mousies, than can ever be found.
But when you throw the mouse high, in th
e hallway skylight, I'll bite your ankles when you walk on the ground.

It's the Apartment of Life. And it houses us all.
It's the Apartment... The Apartment of Life.