This is Lenman

Friday, August 13, 2010

Lenny Gaga

Let's have fun, this catfood's sick, I wanna take a sniff of your litter stick.
I can see you standing there, from across the apartment, with a scowl on a face and a poo on the carpet.

Lord of the Dance

Iiiiy it be McLenny... with this McBoots on playing his McFlute.
Shiver me bones.. where's me bagpipe??

Gordon Ramscat

Aha!!!!!!! My New Calling.. a reality show called the 'L Word'
For F*!#'s sake. ya f!#*ing dumb c#*!.... I said eggs over easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya f*#ker!!

Lenny Lovelace

hmmm, this is not what I had in mind.
Don't Judge Me!
You don't know how hard it is for a performer!!!
One minute you're in the park and a guy comes past and says you've got a great face for film.. and the next.. well I don't want to get into it....
I don't know what was the most degrading.. when I was made to lick my own asshole or having eat Friskies.. seriously! friskies, only Hobo cats eat that shit.

The Phantom of the Operacat

is herrrrrrrrrrrrrrre

Being that I am in close proximity to the world famous West End, I have decided to make my debut. Luckily the apartment has a giant dance mirror in the loungeroom so I busy my days whilst the idiots are at work practicing my routines.

Broadway here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...whoa (keanu reeves voice)


Those guys on Portobello Green have the best freaking weed in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now to fly off and find me a spit roast and some cheese.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cheese.

Up Town Girl

I really just have no words..
this city is AWESOME!!!!
No one told me it was officially ok to wear your Ugg Boots in public. Rock On.
It's also cool to not have STD checks and sleep around a lot, so umm. yeah. I might have cat-aids right now.
Loving SOHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally, I am free to be me.

Good Morning Sunshine....

And where in the goddam hell am I?!???!??!

27 hours in a crate of newspaper and my own urine, and this is what I come to??

I see I didn't rid myself of the Idiots, as I thought I had.. no no, they have taken me somewhere new. somewhere far.. somewhere smaller.

At least in this place I can get the wind on my face, and then one day, i'm out that window, down the window ledge, onto the street, hailing the 452 bus, going to Victoria Station, Catching the Gatwick Express and going HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

although I do like the look of those heaters.. mmmm warm

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Things that have been happening

sooooooo much.. has been happening... where to begin????

I am moving to ENGLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay for me.

be prepared for my feirceness.."the queen"

there is a new pussy in town!!!!!!!!!!

Did you miss me bitches??

ofcourse you did..

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Lenman Blues

De Nehhhh Ne Neh.

They got me locked up (De Nehhh Ne Neh)
In this damn room (De Nehhh Ne Neh)
I'm gonna shit in the corner (De Nehhh Ne Neh)
and there's nothing they can do!!!

Oh I got the blues
I got the spareroom blues
I got the blues
I'm gonna shit all over you

They think they can keep me
Locked up in this tiny place
well I got news baby
I just put cat poo on your face

Good luck getting that stench out
I'm better than yoo-ooo-oooou
I'm so cute. That's what i'm all about.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Backed up

I haven't crapped.

I haven't crapped for 3 days!

The idiots think i'm off crapping somewhere else and follow me around all day long looking at my asshole... do you really think i'd be crapping somewhere as obvious as under the bed if I was going to all the trouble to crap elsewhere?

Let me tell you though - it will be something like that scene from Trainspotting when I do go.

yeahh - suck on that imagery

Me in happier days of a worry-free crap


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

some weird creature

one of these things entered the realm on Saturday Night:

A 'possum' apparently. or "ugly fucker" if you ask me...

I can see the advantage of having those razor sharp claws to claw the eyeballs out of the stupid captors heads, but other than that, no thanks.. you stink weird thing.

The idiots were totally freaking out, what losers. I was all "whateverrrrr.... is there anything good on TV"

Plus one of the bigger idiots was calling it a 'squirrel', listen retard, I may only live in a space around 55sq m, but I know the difference between a possum and a squirrel... um what hemisphere are you living in?


Anyway, where was I??

Oh yeah, those claws... I could claw my way to freeeedom!!!!!!!!!

Or at least claw a massive hole in their stupid couch that I am never allowed to touch, yeah jokes on you suckers, just wait till you see what I did to the lining underneath.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Ode to Dental Floss

Whats the big deal?

I like it. It smells good. Its like food on a string. Why does everyone freak the fuck out when I happen to eat a few meters of this shit?

Honestly. Yes I was choking. Ever considered that maybe choking to death on some dental floss is maybe the better option, if the comparison is being in the "sunroom" every goddam day. You know what?! The Sunroom. not so sunny at nighttime bitches!!

anyway, where was I?

Oh yes. Dental Floss.

I love it.

Why is there not a dental floss flavour in those shitty cans they insist on feeding me all day everyday?

Why is it that when I do eat the floss, they go batshit and pull it out of my esophogus rendering me speechless and causing me to yack up about my bodies weight in saliva.

Sometimes its better in than out.

So now I am banned from Dental Floss.

Fuck you!

Do you think your stupid bin with the lid will stop me?

Do you think I dont want to get into the flushy water bowl thingy? I love that thing. Leave the seat UP assholes.


I'll kill you all.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Lenny and the Magic Nugget's

It was 7pm, and all the through the house not a creature was stirring. Not even a fake-mouse.

I had just stepped out of a nice warm shower, and was letting the jacuzzi fog seep into the hallway, Lenny was at my feet, and I walked down the hall to pick up what I thought was 'brown mousies'

It was however Not. Brown Mousies.

This was different.

Same size as brown mousies.. same weight as brown mousies.. same colour as brown mousies.. On closer inspection, to my horror. It was not brown mousies.

It was a poo.

A hard nuggety poo.

Where did you come from magic nugget? I just walked down the hall about 15 mins beforehand and there were no magic nuggets in the hallway. From whence did the magic nuggets come from??!!

Whilst these thoughts were running through my head, I realised I was holding a turd, and threw it in the toilet. I went back to disinfect the area and scrub my fingertips off.

Oh whats this??? a round magic nugget!! flattened from me standing on it and inspecting the previous nugget. Hello there 2nd magic nugget.

Socks = disinfecting tub
Feet = disinfecting bath
Hall = disinfecting bomb
Hands = disinfecting scrub

Where oh where do you come from Magic Nuggets. Lenny won't tell me. I think he knows though, as he hid under the kitchen table looking at me whilst I stood there inspecting his poo about to throw it down the hall when I mistook it for brown mousies.

You got me Lenny!

You got me goooooooood.