The Magic Cat

Once upon a time, there were a couple o morons... She-moron used to have a cat - but it died... and He-Moron didn't even like cats... One day She-Moron was reminiscing about the good ol' days of having a cat "it'd be nice to have a cat again"... "I dont do cats" replied He-Moron....

She-Moron looked allllll over the place for a cat.. Petstores "how much are your cats??" "$1000" "NEXT!"..... Catteries "what sort of cats do you have??"......"and when would you be available for purchase of such cats??"

She-Moron seemed to have found the cat of her choice... but then the lady didn't return her calls... till finally "oh my god where have you been??!! i've been calling you all weekend about your cats!!!" "cats?? oh we sold those cats.. we dont have any cats left".. She-Moron felt defeated...

Next She-Moron tried another cattery... "do you have brown cats??" "yes...".... "are they girl cats??"...."yes"... "can I come see the cats!!" "come to the park on saturday... there is a pet-fair and you can see the cats then.."
"I FOUND SOME CATS!!" She-Moron ran to tell He-Moron.. he was under-whelmed.. even moreso when he found out he would have to go to a Pet-Fair to see said cats.

The day of the pet-fair arrived with anticipation... "hurry up and parrrrrrrrrrrrk!! i wanna see the cats"... All around the fair they searched, yet the lady and her brown cats did not seem to be in attendance... they stuck around to watch the dogs dancing with their owners, but that did not take the taint out of the experience of being quashed, at getting a cat once again....

Finally, one day, She-Moron was perusing the classifieds out of boredom.. tractors.... cars.... wardrobes.... clothing.... cats!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some person was advertisting cats!! 3 cats!! must sell now cats!!! She quickly called the number "Do you have any cats left??" ".....perhaps...." said the person at the other end of the line..."have you ever had cats before?? how long did you care for these cats?? what size apartment do you live in?? what do you do for a living?? how many hours are you home??".. She-Moron answered all of the ladies questions, and finally was told "IF, you are available at 7pm, you may come and see the cats".... "YIPPEEE!!!! we're gettin a cat!!" She-Moron was delighted... "Are there any brown cats?? Brown girl cats??" "yes".. "hold that cat for me"

She-Moron and He-Moron drove to see the cats.. then they drove some more... and some more "where the hell are these freakin cats??" "far"..On they drove... to find their cat.

When they finally arrived at their destination to see the cats, the old woman answered them at the door... "there are two cats remaining... what are you looking for in a cat??"... "well it should be friendly, snuggly, want to sleep with you, and playful"... "then chose your cat".. and they entered the house of Shaolin Cats...

There were two cats... one of them brown and wiley, one of them grey and shy... She-Moron asked the woman "which is the cat you put aside for us??" .. She pointed to the brown cat... She-Moron sat on the ground to play with the cat.. it did not reciprocate, preferring to run around in the playhouse behind her...

The grey cat approached with trepidation, and jumped onto She-Moron's lap. "what do you want??"... Grey cat stared up at She-Moron with a loving smile... "hmmm he's not so bad.. but this isn't the cat we asked to be put aside"

"how much is this cat?" .."that cat is on sale, he is cheap, he's not a kitten anymore"... He was basically two weeks away from being forced to breed with his mother.

She-Moron decided to let the cats decide, so she sat on the ground with her legs crossed and let the cats come to her.. Grey Cat came up and sat in her lap and purred... "I think i want this cat".. "are you sure you want that cat??... he's very...clingy".."I love clingy"... "he wont leave you alone for a minute" "thats exactly what i'm looking for"... And so The Morons made their choice, and Grey Cat had a new home.

Whilst it wasn't the cat they had called up about, nor been there to see, it seems that the Magic Cat was destined to be a part of the Moron Family.

On the first night Magic Cat slept in She-Morons armpit...
On the second night too.
On the third night he perfected the art of running past really quickly and putting poo on your head from out of nowhere.
Magic Cat fell out of a window... three stories... and survived.
Magic Cat was everything they had asked for, he slept on their heads constantly, he followed them to the bathroom, he followed them to the front door, he meowed next to the bed when they weren't cuddling him, and sat at their feet when they were at the table.

It seems like Magic Cat was the perfect cat.. he was everything they had asked for.. perhaps too much.. "I didnt sleep last night.. Magic Cat slept on my head alllllll night" "tell me about it! I got up to pee and Magic Cat had to join and and do a crap... at 2am! I had to squat in the nude and scoop that shit up!"..

It seems that Magic Cat was the answer to all their dreams... if their dreams were to own a cat that was sugically attached to their armpits.

Sometimes you get what you wish for. Sometimes you get exactly what you need.